random insanity
by jeffster18
Summary: ONESHOT! I had this idea stuck in my head, so I wrote it. The frontier crew decided to live together, Zoe goes away for a weekend, and leaves Koji in charge. watch as the insanity washes over the poor bastard. minor takumi, rated M because of Koji's potty-mouth.


ages:  
JP: 21  
Takuya: 20  
Zoe: 19  
Koji: 20  
Koichi: 20  
Tommy: 17

it was a calm, serene midsummer's evening. the crickets were singing, the sky was clear and everywhere, children could be heard laughing and playing. everything was normal...

"YOU FREAKING DEMONS GIVE BACK MY RAZOR! AND- NO! Zoe! PLEASE PUT DOWN THE FRYING P-"**  
*CLUNK***

yup... perfectly normal...

for a while now, the frontier crew decided to live together. they bought a nice three-story house, with a nice backyard and a nice neighbourhood. they nicely divided the tasks equally amongst themselves, and installed a few nice rules:

1: no loitering.  
2: no sex outside your own bedroom (installed after Zoe accidentally ran into Koichi and his ex-girlfriend on the sofa)  
3: no soccer inside the house. (courtesy of Takuya's 'window incident')  
4: never give Koichi a potentially dangerous object. (installed because he killed a group of girls-scouts with a pencil, and a can of soda. it is still a mystery how he did it.)  
5: NO LEGO'S ON THE FLOOR! (installed after Tommy 'forgot' to clean up, and they had to take JP to the infirmary.)  
6: NO angsty poetry in the living room. (Koji still ignores that rule.)  
7: last person to finish eating has to feed Tommy's teddybear.  
8: up 'till five days after taco night, JP is forbidden to use the indoors toilet!  
9: first one home, buys the booze.  
10: no satanistic rituals. (don't even ask...)  
11: NEVER give Takuya and Tommy sugar... _**EVER**_!

it all started that morning around six o' clock, when Zoe was away for the weekend because her parents wanted to take her to an exotic spa, and everyone else decided to drag their lazy asses out of bed. courtesy of Takuya, a megahorn and a bucket of water.

"GOOD MORNING MY LITTLE FUCKUPS! BREAKFAST IS READYYYYYY!" a lot of growling and groaning could be heard as JP, Tommy, Koji and Koichi all woke up with the urge to kill a certain gogglehead. Takuya smiled broadly, and grabbed his bucket of water. he skipped over to one of the doors down the hall. the door was dark brown with black vines painted on them. he waited until the door opened, before emptying the bucket on top of a very cranky Koji.

"AAAH SONOVAFUCK! WHY DID YOU-?!" he couldn't finish as Takuya simply ran off to the kitchen with a demented laughter. "DON'T FUCKING IGNORE ME!" he roared in fury as he stomped after the insane, laughing capped twenty-year old.

when he arrived in the kitchen, he noticed Tommy eating a bowl of vanilla ice cream.

"DUDE! you can't eat ice cream this early morning!" Koji barked.

"why not?"

"because…. it's not… normal."

"showering with your clothes on isn't normal either." Tommy quipped.

**"I will kill you in your sleep if you don't watch your mouth, midget..."** Koji said in a dangerously low tone. veins popping on his forehead.

"whatever!" Tommy shrugged, picked up his bowl and went to watch tv in the living room.

"AND DON'T YOU DARE TO DROP IT IN MY BEANBA-"

***SPLAT!***

"sorry! my bad! won't happen again!"Tommy yelled from the living room.

"FUCK!"

Tommy walked into the kitchen and dropped his bowl in the sink. Koji decided to make some healthy breakfast. a glass of orange juice, and his favorite cereal: em-O's (now with free razorblades!) he sat down, and was about to take his first bite when JP stood next to him.

"are you gonna finish that?"

"JP... I haven't even begun eating yet..."

"oh... sooooo... are you going to finish that?" the big guy asked carefully.

"YES! NOW LET ME EAT IN PEACE!" Koji roared as he slammed his hands on the counter. into his cornflakes. his eye started twitching, but before he could flip, Koichi snuck up on him from behind... with a garden hose in his hands.

"Koji-niisan!" Koichi hummed innocently. "Koji-niisan look what I found!"

"whaddyawant Koichi... oh no you don-"

unfortunately before Koji could grab the hose, Koichi screeched. "THE POWER OF SATAN WILL CORRUPT YOU!" before turning the hose on, and spraying a lot of water over his older twin, and then running off, while asking Takuya where Zoe hid all the shovels.

"ya know... we have a shower." Takuya quipped happily, grabbing an apple and walking over to one of the few dry chairs.

"shut it, Kanbara. now, what the fuck are you so happy about?"

Takuya hummed happily as he took a bite from the apple. "I just talked to Zoe over the phone for a bit. she'll be back tonight as her father got them kicked out when he tried to kill the poolboy for flirting with her."

"shotgun?"

"shotgun."

"well whoop-dee-doo! your girlfriend is coming home tonight, good for you. what does it have to do with me?" Koji remarked in a sarcastic tone. this made Takuya's smirk grow wider.

_'oh god... heeeere we go.'_

"well... seeing as Zoe left the household in your care, YOU'RE the one responsible."

Koji paled at Takuya's honey-covered words.

"she's going to kill me isn't she?"

"yup" Takuya happily answered.

"why are you doing this to me?" Koji asked in a defeated tone.

Takuya simply smirked as he walked off. "ya shouldn't've told Zoe's father that I took his firstborn daughter's virginity... revenge is best served cold, so...BETTER GET YOUR COAT, BITCH!" he let out a psychotic laugh as he ran off.

Takuya snickered as he thought about Zoe's reaction when she would come home.

_'heh... with any luck, we might drive Koji into the mental hospital'_

ding dong!

"COMING! Takuya called out. in the hallway, he stepped over Tommy who was trying to summon satan from a circle on the floor. a dead goat was lying in the middle as a sacrifice.

"I ain't cleaning that up. just so you know..." Takuya mumbled as he finally reached the door.

"OBEY THE GREAT LORD SATAN!" Tommy yelled at the bored adolescent.

when Takuya opened up, a cop was standing in front of him.

"sir. we've been having complaints about the volume here. is everything okay?"

Takuya put his most innocent face up. "we don't know anything, officer. we haven't heard any noises here."

"but the neighbours said that- OH MY GOD IS THAT A DEAD GOAT?"

***CLUNK* **

the cop fell forward with a bloody bump on the back of his head. Koichi stood behind him with a shovel in his hands and a demented expression on his face. he just stared Takuya right in the eyes before whispering.

"you didn't see anything..."

Takuya nodded before Koichi grabbed the officer by the ankles and dragging him towards teddy's lair.

"FEEDING TIME!"

Takuya just shook his head, went inside and went into his room to relax for the rest of the day, until...

"YOU FREAKING DEMONS GIVE BACK MY RAZOR! AND- NO! Zoe! PLEASE PUT DOWN THE FRYING P-"  
** *CLUNK***

he stood up, and greeted his girlfriend.

Zoe stood over Koji's bleeding, crumpled form, holding a bloodied, dented frying pan in her right hand, glaring at the three other whimpering young men. he sneaked up from behind, and wrapped his arms around her waist. she turned around, but before she could interrogate him, he kissed her deeply, before speaking in a bored, tired tone.

"for once... I have nothing to do with it... soooo. how was your day?"

Zoe smiled broadly at her boyfriend before kissing him again. "oh you know... _perfectly normal_."

_**(A/N. this is my first attempt to a funny oneshot about the frontier crew. please review. costructive criticism is welcome, flames will be sent back per UPS-mail.)**_


End file.
